The Power of Observation
Recently the class refocused on fighting with a form of sparring we call "four-four". It's designed to allow clean technique while gradually getting harder and ultimately training one to become a technician.

A part of its point is to break down egos and allow self discovery. It works. I recently had expectations of performing well, but found that the years of practice, drills, and lectures have left me much to learn. We are taught a myriad of techniques, such as timing, background timing, range, trigger points, foundation, stance, form, elements and chi. Sometimes these pearls of wisdom are given clear definition and sometimes they're left intentionally abstract. Yet with these things in mind (or some vague conception of them), we hit the mat each week, face each other and try to apply their principals as best we can. It can get to a point where the concepts I have grasped and those I am is still grappling with become muddied in the flowing river that is Kung Fu. Some things seem to work, many more do not, and I leave four-four questioning myself and my apparent improvement (or lack thereof). Sound familiar?

The value of failure
Failure is the unseen lesson. By its very nature it gives us cause examine our performance. It also helps dissolve ego by teaching humility. Sifu Hill has said you should leave class feeling like you need to improve. The lesson is that failure is the first step of observation. Through self observation, we become aware of faults; through this awareness, we will begin to recognize them during the act.

Through this recognition, we are training ourselves to observe in the present. The Bell of Mindfulness teaches us to remain in the moment of time--or, rather, the motion of the moment . To remain observant through it's movement. Jeff writes in Motion of the Moment, "It takes time and practice to internalize this awareness of "the moment" as a mindfulness of pure motion." And so we are talking about a presence of mind, a shift of thinking that self observation is a doorway to.

Slow is fast and fast is slow
This mantra is heard frequently in class, imparting the wisdom that working through technique slowly so that one can observe is actually the faster path to learning. We all want to see our selves in the best possible light, performing our techniques at the level of our idols. But, when technique is practiced fast, the self perception that it is done well is false. " Wow look how fast that was!" Practicing a technique fast only hides from one the mistakes that one will continue to repeat until discovered and corrected.

The same concepts applies to sparring in four-four. By slowing down and throwing clean technique, one will discover the proper applications. Slowing down allows one to be conscious of the myriad of techniques we are all trying to grasp.ÊEach technique is part of a whole. What links them is observation, the awareness of self that allows them to be executed properly. So the string of pearls is complete. In essence, we already have all the parts and need only the presence of mind to thread them together. So, if observation through slowing down is key, what's the problem? Why don't I just slow down? I find that I have in some situations but not in others. I still don't have full control of my response to aggression. It's ego. When pressed I get competitive.

Upon reflection
I discover that it's not a specific technique or mechanical problem that holds me back. It's a level of observation that I must achieve. That switching of perception that will allow me to connect the pieces. In reflection, I also see glimmers of good technique that have come about through good observation. In this contrast, there are lessons. I meditate on the challenges of remaining mentally calm and not slipping into the animal brain. It becomes clear that I have much to learn about myself. The nature of my own ego, the nature of my fears and the personality that I put in to my work. I am still a novice. Throughout this path, one remains a novice. It seems somehow appropriate that acceptance of this is a step to understanding my ego and perhaps a step to better observation.